One of the issues that former Mormons encounter when leaving the church is how they handle their relationships. Sometimes they can come across as strong and tactless.
Why Is It Hard for Former Mormons to Talk with Respect?
As a Former Mormon, you feel betrayed. You are outraged because you have been lied to by the church. You have lost all respect for the church. Unfortunately, this tends to translate into not showing respect to your LDS relatives. It can be hard to separate your feelings for this organization and your relationships. Nevertheless, mixing the two is a pitfall you need to avoid.
[Related: Frustrations in Talking about Your New Faith After Mormonism]
What Does This Disrespect Look Like in a Relationship?
As a former Mormon, you are very anxious to show your loved ones that the church is not what it claims to be. Sometimes the terminology that former Mormons use is offensive. For instance, instead of revering the prophet Joseph Smith, you might not talk about him in terms of a prophet. You might poke fun at the temple or temple ceremony. Instead of taking about these things in hushed and respected tones you start making disrespectful comments.
You are not doing it to hurt people. Maybe you feel that because your family or friends are so stuck in their ways you need to jar them out of their complacency. You are hoping that if you show them the facts, they might come to know the Lord, too.
It is also possible that you feel as though you are validating Mormonism if you use reverential tones, even if you are speaking the truth about how corrupt the church is. So, you feel that if you talk about it with just a little bit of contempt you are letting your family know that you do not agree with this. You do not want other to think you believe there is legitimacy in the LDS beliefs, so it is easy to overcorrect and come across disrespectful or untactful.
How to be More Aware of Sounding Disrespectful.
Here are some ways to keep yourself from saying things that are hurtful.
- Check your heart. Be sure that you are trying to convey these truths to the other person out of a concern for their soul and well-being, not out of bitterness for the church.
- Keep in mind that they have an emotional connection to the church. So talk in terms that are respectful. For instance, do not refer to Joseph Smith as Old Joe Smith.
[Related: Talking to Mormon Friends without the Rant]
Be Respectful Even When You Are not Respected.
As you leave the LDS church, a lot of times there will be some Mormons who do not treat you with respect. They may attack you or even gossip behind your back. You are going through a lot of turmoil. People do not understand you. Your character and integrity have been attacked. Yet now you have to be mature and not offend anyone. This is really hard. Why is it necessary for you to be tactful when they are not? Remember that family is important, whether Mormon or not. Those relationships are worth maintaining. Also, if you believe in God and claim to be a follower of Jesus, as His disciple you need to realize that they are lost. Your LDS family and friends have not seen the truth of the everlasting Gospel. You need to show compassion toward them. Even through all the personal attacks, keep in sight that the end goal is to bring them out of the darkness and into the light.
Even if you have stumbled in this area, it is not too late to change. Work on a better response to your friends’ and family’s questions. Get to know people who are honoring Jesus that can help support and encourage you. God is working in your life and you will become the person that He is calling you to be.
[Related: What Mormons Will Say When You Leave]
[Related: Telling Others When You Leave Mormonism]
